Poem: Megabus
A new journey. A new destination
A new experience for all of us
A new desolate hour wait at the coach station
A new trip on the Megabus.
I said I would never do this again
But I’m a slave to your reasonable prices
Like Jesus dying for the sins of all men
We all have to make sacrifices
So welcome back, old friend. Welcome back, weird seats
Blue, old and fluffy, patterned with confetti
A Megabus on the streets is like me in the sheets
Lethargic, uncomfortable and sweaty
Who knows what this new zany adventure entails?
Who knows what fun character will sit next to me
One time it was a nice lady with a boyfriend in jail
Who defended his case for six hours roughly
One time a guy tried to teach me maths
Why did this happen? I don’t know
Why does anything happen on this life path?
That I chose for myself and now can’t forego
Every Megabus ride has a new plot twist.
Usually a broken toilet warning
Or a hen party will turn up totally pissed
At 8.50 am in the morning
And yes, there have been romantic moments
There often is for Megabus ticket holders.
One time in a flash of amorous bestowment
A man asked if I wanted to sleep on his shoulder
When I said no he asked for my number instead
So there you go. What a comforting thought.
There’ll always be a creep for you to rest your head
On the Paris of public transport
Meanwhile Richard Branson rolls around
In a pool of money on his desert island
Near a money campfire worth a billion pounds
While his caviar arrives on the back of a lion
I could spend a fifth of my rent on one of his trains
While Richard takes a chalice of champagne and laughs
‘what else can we privatise for my financial gain?’
‘I need a new ruby for my snake head staff!!!’
I don’t know what rich people spend money on
I eat Morrisons Savers Weetabix and live in a trough
And I take the Megabus. Not helicopters or swans
And people on trains, right? Where do they get off?
So thank you, old friend. Thank you, vomit in the aisle
Thank you, strange singing person. Thank you man necking whisky
Thank you definitely high student, Thank you crying child,
And Thank you, Megabus for getting me home on £6.50 .
